First of all, I should say that I don't have family of my own. My mother died when I was young and I haven't seen my father for 10 years. He was extremely psychologically abusive, and I'm sure mentally ill, but it went under the radar because there were no relatives around... and he's a recluse (I haven't seen any relatives for close to 15 years, also). Basically, I have one sister I see once a month or so. Other than that, I have in-laws.
So, this is my third pregnancy. I told everyone I didn't want a baby shower. Meaning, I told my in-laws that I really don't want one. I don't feel left out. They aren't dying to throw me one or anything but Gmil offered because her youngest daughter is having a baby shower and didn't want to leave me out. So, my MIL was in town and she suggested we get together with her sister and her mother for a brunch instead. I said sure. I can't say no to everything. I'm always a little reluctant because I often feel like MIL and AIL are a tad judgemental and snoody. Anyway, I was playing it really cool. I thought that maybe they actually wanted to talk to me about motherly stuff or baby stuff or whatever. They wanted to do something nice for me without a big baby shower surprise. They take me to this litte upscale cafe place. It's not the type of place I usually frequent but it's fine. I can see they have some cards and one wrapped gift for me. It's a very close intimate environment with my in-laws, to say the least. Anyway, MIL hands me the box. I open it. Inside is a newborn outfit that reads "grandma's little guy" right on top. So, were we having a grandma brunch? I thought it was really tacky. I was really disapointed. I felt like it was meant to be some kind of statement. Any other time she could have given me the grandma onsie and I wouldn't have given a damn. But, that was just a strange experience. Uh, thanks. I told my DH and he said, "that's silly. I'm pissed that she would do that but what am I supposed to do"?
I should say that my in-laws help us all the time. They will help us financially at a moment's notice. They are generous in that way and they put out effort towards me. They buy me Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, etc. So, it's a delicate situation. I was raised to feel very uncomfortable receiving things from people and so it's taken a long time for me to feel comfortable accepting things from them. Most of the time they are very helpful. They really love my kids, and I know they do care about me.
Rewind to when I had my first child. LO wasn't even a year old and MIL made a large hard-cover photo book with herself and my LO on the cover. Inside were more pictures of her with my LO and a "poem" about all of the physical and personality attributes they share. It is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Is that a weird thing to do or is that just normal grandma behavior?
After I had my second child everyone in the hospital, my DH, and even my sister said that she (LO) resembled me. I saw myself in her too! With my first LO, I thought she looked exactly like my DH and never had a problem with it. Everyone said she did. But with my second, I thought.. wow, I'm experiencing this cool little thing of being able to see my family resemblance in my kin. WELL, I shouldn't have gotten excited about it. As soon as it came out of my mouth that "my sister thinks my LO looks like me"... all hell broke loose. MIL said "well, if you look at [DH's] baby photos though..." with a look of distaste. I shrugged that off. We were over at AIL's house and AIL started going around loudly claiming "doesn't LO look JUST like MIL". She was like two months old at the time. My DH responded saying that no, she looks like her mom (meaning me). Big no-no there, what DH did. That evening the in-laws surrounded me and told me "I guess you don't have the dominant gene" and how much my kids don't look like me. They only look like DH and MIL. It was sort of an out-of-body experience. I couldn't understand why they couldn't at least humor me about family resemblances. They all know I have no mother or relatives around. My sister is busy with her own life and doesn't have kids so it's hard to explain stuff to her. It's not like anyone rolls out the red carpet for me. I only suggested it once that my daughter resembled me. Anyway, it's like the IL's didn't care about my feelings at all. I felt ashamed that I was excited about thinking my daughter looked like me at all. I usually am so unassuming and overly polite with them, so I couldn't comprehend why they were so bothered by my own child looking like me. After that event I spiraled into PPD for months. I just couldn't understand it. I wasn't trying to be competitive. I honestly thought they were going to be happy for me. I couldn't see my myself in my daughter anymore. It was so upsetting.
The reason why I am describing these things is that I have a lot of anxiety about going through all of it again. Already when I said I was excited about meeting new LO and seeing what he looks like AIL says "yep, he's going to be a mini [DH]".
Anyway, I am wondering if I am over-reacting? I just need to get it off of my chest. I have no one in the world to talk to about some of these things and I'm concerned that I'm just over-sensitive.