Ugh - a bit sad to be posting here, but could use some advice/wisdom on how I did and where to go from here. (I have background that I can link later; semi-related.)
Setup: DH and I are hosting T-day with his extended fam (MIL, FIL, SIL) and my extended fam (MOO, FOO, ODB2, ODB's SO), along with T-day "orphans", i.e., people who have to work on the holiday weekend and can't be with family. His fam is staying with us; my fam is staying in a hotel. DH and I have DS (16 mos); first GK for his parents and my dad (mom has two GDs from ODB1, from whom she is estranged).
Today, my mother vague-booked on the debil, "My son [ODB2] is going crazy. He is so totally out of his mind now. [FOO] and I are freaking out."
Not sure what to do, I text ODB2 with, "mom says you're wigging out - everything ok?" He responded with a diatribe about how typical it is of her to paint him as the mental case and how he's so sick of this shit and how he doesn't want to add tension at thanksgiving. As I am typing my response of "hey it's cool if you don't come for T-day, I hope you're alright", he calls and starts yelling about mom putting the "dirty laundry" on FB.
Don't have time to get into much of the background now (ODB2 has lifelong illness and was staying with mom until he could get on his feet after his insurance lapsed in [shitty state]). He's hoping to plant roots in new city soon (just got a new car) but can't go far because of the doctors he has now.
My question: how should I move forward with this? My mother has been known to gaslight and rewrite history (ODB2 told me of new info about some of mom's past that was surprising yet not), as well as rug sweep like a champion. ODB2 wants me to ask her to take down the FB post (which I know is triangulating, but he is in no mood to speak to her), and I certainly don't want to get into anything at this moment, let alone have it ruin our family holiday.
(No hair flip; wrote this in between runs at work and now on my way to get DS)
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Thanksgiving drama-rama, BG added pg 1, help with text 2, hissy fit response 5
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