Sorry if this is long and all over the place, I'm scatter brained but I'll do my best!
SO and I have been together for three years, and have a six month old LO. We are young (early twenties) and we're not trying to have a baby when I got pregnant. We weren't in a great spot to have a baby, but we got out crap together as best we could so that we could provide the best life possible for LO. It's been a struggle but we have grown a lot since we found out we were expecting and LO is a happy, healthy baby and I'm proud of our family.
My Mother and I are very close. We had our issues when I was a teenager and very rebellious, but once I was out of the house at 18, things got a lot better. I've always looked up to my mom as a role model. I was excited for how me being a mother as well would make our relationship even better. Unfortunately, that hasn't exactly been the case. She constantly has some comment about my parenting. It's always little things, like commenting that LO needs to have socks on by saying "oh, mommys trying to make you freeze, here nana will get some socks on you", demanding that I clean my apartment because it's not fit for a baby (it can get a bit cluttered, yes, but it's never DIRTY, and it never close to the point where it would be an unfit environment for a baby), criticizing me for vaccinating LO. Recently I was trying to give LO a teething biscuit (which she has decided are a choking hazard), and she held the baby away from me and refused to let me give it to her while I was saying for her to give LO back. She eventually gave up when she realized I was getting mad, but not without sulking. She has gotten upset with me for allowing LOs father to take her to ILs house without me going along, and she refers to LO as "nanas baby" and has "accidentally" referred to herself as "mommy". These all sound like minor issues, I know, and maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but in an hour visit I'd say at least two or three incidents like this happens. I never realized how damaging this was to my parenting until one day I realized that when she is around, it feels like I am babysitting her child. I feel as though her actions are demeaning, and they make me lose confidence in myself as a mother. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and they already make me feel like a bad mom at times, my mother commenting on every choice I make does not help.
Sorry for this being so long. I guess what I'm asking is how to shut this down for good? I have tried being firm with her without being rude (when she makes comments about LO not wearing socks, I will say "she runs warm and has a blanket, I don't want her to overheat" and bean dip) but it continues to happen. Am I justified in feeling the way I do or am I overreacting? And how do I get this to stop without damaging my relationship with my mother?
SO and I have been together for three years, and have a six month old LO. We are young (early twenties) and we're not trying to have a baby when I got pregnant. We weren't in a great spot to have a baby, but we got out crap together as best we could so that we could provide the best life possible for LO. It's been a struggle but we have grown a lot since we found out we were expecting and LO is a happy, healthy baby and I'm proud of our family.
My Mother and I are very close. We had our issues when I was a teenager and very rebellious, but once I was out of the house at 18, things got a lot better. I've always looked up to my mom as a role model. I was excited for how me being a mother as well would make our relationship even better. Unfortunately, that hasn't exactly been the case. She constantly has some comment about my parenting. It's always little things, like commenting that LO needs to have socks on by saying "oh, mommys trying to make you freeze, here nana will get some socks on you", demanding that I clean my apartment because it's not fit for a baby (it can get a bit cluttered, yes, but it's never DIRTY, and it never close to the point where it would be an unfit environment for a baby), criticizing me for vaccinating LO. Recently I was trying to give LO a teething biscuit (which she has decided are a choking hazard), and she held the baby away from me and refused to let me give it to her while I was saying for her to give LO back. She eventually gave up when she realized I was getting mad, but not without sulking. She has gotten upset with me for allowing LOs father to take her to ILs house without me going along, and she refers to LO as "nanas baby" and has "accidentally" referred to herself as "mommy". These all sound like minor issues, I know, and maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but in an hour visit I'd say at least two or three incidents like this happens. I never realized how damaging this was to my parenting until one day I realized that when she is around, it feels like I am babysitting her child. I feel as though her actions are demeaning, and they make me lose confidence in myself as a mother. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and they already make me feel like a bad mom at times, my mother commenting on every choice I make does not help.
Sorry for this being so long. I guess what I'm asking is how to shut this down for good? I have tried being firm with her without being rude (when she makes comments about LO not wearing socks, I will say "she runs warm and has a blanket, I don't want her to overheat" and bean dip) but it continues to happen. Am I justified in feeling the way I do or am I overreacting? And how do I get this to stop without damaging my relationship with my mother?