Hi ladies. Just some backstory: MIL has visited the past two Thanksgivings, and has brought drama each time. She outright disrespects me, more so when DH is not around, so that she can play victim if I address her behavior. For example, last Thanksgiving, while DH was in the shower, she walks past me and says, "I don't get why he has to suffer to make you happy." (Her statement was in reference to the idea that I'm a SAHM and he works). At my moment of response, he gets out of the shower, and she pretends she never said anything like that. Instead of telling her not to talk to me in that way, DUH says, "Okay ladies. Just stop arguing." And this is the smaller of examples of how she's been disrespectful (and his permission of it). Apart from her outlandish behavior, I'm also concerned she has an addiction or a medical issue. I dont know much about it to be specific. But she randomly nods off (in the middle of dinner, while talking, etc) and I've noticed this when I'm around her. DH sees this, too. But I guess he rug sweeps a lot of her behavioral and mental issues. It's been like this for a very long time. After her drama last Thanksgiving, I really thought he was done with her coming to visit. He was very disappointed in her behavior. But she has a way of luring him back in with guilt. Repeatedly. It's a horrible cycle.
Anyway, this Thanksgiving, we decided to stay home and I had a whole menu planned out. It would be just DH, me and our girls. Yesterday, he says, "What do you think of us inviting grandmother down for Thanksgiving?" In the back of my mind, I knew he had already talked with her about it. It was just a matter of him "mentioning" it to me. Last time he mentioned the prospect of her visiting, I blew up about it and told him that she's not allowed here until her behavior changes. We got into a huge argument which resulted in him defending his "mommmyyy" saying that she has mental issues, and that she can't help it. But that's his mom. This argument went on for 2 weeks. I mean, it got to the point where I was ready to just leave him.
So this time around, I guess I tried to be a little more sensitive and I said, "It is what it is. Let her come." Immediately after, he calls her and she's already discussing what she's going to prepare, what she's bringing, etc. So this how I know they had somewhat discussed her coming before he even brought it to my attention. I'm no longer excited about Thanksgiving. I don't even want to cook. Maybe she should just cook. I just don't have the energy for this. How would you ladies approach this situation?
Also, I know that it seems like my decision to let her come seems wimpy and unassertive. But we've been down this road many times, each time resulting in a major argument. I'm just tired at this point.