Hi, I have posted before but wasn't ready to listen to the advice. Now reality has hit me in the face.
I've been with DF for 2 years now. We have a beautiful 6 month DD. In the beginning I like MIL. That changed when I got pregnant. We ended up moving in with the in-laws because I lost my job and we couldn't afford our apartment anymore (I know.) We lived there for 4 months before I had enough and we moved out. She smoked inside with I was pregnant (I KNOW) and was passive agressive and out right agressive at times. She caused me to have a three hour panic attack. We moved a week after that. (Trust me I know.)
Everything was rugswept.
The third thing that really made me dislike MIL was right after LO was born. My water broke a month early after a normal pregnancy. I was induced and had an emergency c-section. LO's lungs weren't fully developed so she had to be on a c-pap machine. I was only able to hold her for a minute after she was born before they took her away. I went 12 hours without seeing LO while I was violently coming down off of morphine. The next time I saw her was when we got sent to another hospital an hour and a half away and they were loading us up. DF and I were dealing with a baby in NICU that we weren't allowed to hold yet and me dealing with the aftermath of the surgery. We got a phone call from MIL and FIL saying that they bought us a carseat. Great! We were really grateful for it but asked them to seat it out on the deck as MIL smokes inside. WELL. Apparently she had a meltdown about it. I heard about it and the excuse was that MIL 'was just soooo stressed about LO'.
I lost it.
I screamed at DF that I didn't give one shit about MIL. I had a baby in NICU in a city that we had no support in 1 1/2 away from home, with no money while recovering from surgery.
There was no apology from MIL.
After we brought LO home there were various little boundry stomps. MIL isn't involved with us enough (DF and I shut that shit down), baby hogging ect. I basically seethed inside because everyone was telling me that it was normal, she's just so excited about being a grandma, that it was DF's parents and she's FAAAAAMILY. (Fucking gag.)
Reality hit me hard yesterday when I thought I heard MIL call herself Mommy. Yeah. I actually don't know if I heard her right but the fact is I can see her doing that. And it really makes me sick. I didn't say anything to DF until today. I wrote him a letter basically stating above and that I am really done with MIL. I want to step back with both our parents. There is emeshment on my side of the family and I've been wanting to detangle for a while.
Now I know everyone will be screaming CO. I agree, but there is no way DF will be down with that. As of right now he's on my side but he just isn't ready to CO. There is a lot of shit that makes him feel like that but this is already long enough. I don't want to push him.
I can see that MIL will fuck herself over if I am patient enough. DF and I have agreed that LO and I are off the table for now. He asked me if I was willing to talk to MIL. I said no since I am terrible at confrontations and will break down in tears. I said I can write her a letter since this is kinda coming out of nowhere on her side.
This is where I need your help. I need something that doesn't paint me as the psychotic evil DIL.
MIL
You've asked DF why I don't visit as often anymore and that there has been some tension between us. The fact is that you have been overstepping your role as grandmother. I understand that you love LO, but you are possive over her and it is to the point of not letting others hold her while you are around. We feel like we need to step back a bit so DF, LO and I can bond more as a family of three.
Earthra
This isn't a CO letter. DF will be in contact with his parents but we agreed it will be waaaaay less often.
So sorry it's so long!
**Edited to clarify that *I* was coming off morphine after surgery.