New SN. Active, regular member. This is the shortest version of what happened I could get because my post was just WAY too long. Will give details as needed.
*whew* ok. I've been wanting to post for a few days and finally am now. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous to do so. I'm looking for any insight, support, and funny memes to help me get my head back on track...thank you ladies and gents for reading. I am not hair flipping, it's after 2a.m. and my head keeps replaying this event and I need to finally just get it out there and share it. (Not just venting, I do have questions!) I'm hoping once I release it out there I can start moving on!
Basic background: DH car breaks down. His mom offers for him to stay with her until it is fixed. He broke down close to her house. He decides to because he can be there to work on car. Should only take 2-3 days. I take clothes to him so he has a change of clothes. We live 1.5 hours from MIL. When I arrive MIL is GIDDY with excitement and says "You have to stay tonight because it's too foggy out and dangerous to go home!" Lo and I stay because it is late, foggy, and miss DH. I figure I can suck it up for the night. After lo and I go to bed:
MIL wanted DH to see a video on her cell and gave it to him to watch. While watching, a text from his brother pops up:
"lllnf and lllnf DH are nothing but freeloaders"
So he clicks on it.
DH said there were so many messages back and forth between his brother and mom bashing us that he couldn't even get through them all. He won't tell me all of the ones he did see, he refuses to. The ones he did tell me though were these gems:
-DH *DESERVES* to have his car break down because he is so stupid for traveling so far for work.
-I am a bad mother and I don't correct my lo (I pushed him to find out this one)
-our lo is AWFUL and tears up her house
-complaining that we are staying with her and saying she hates it when we do. (😒 2x is all this has ever happened in the 6 years we've been together. This night would have been #3)
These are conversations between MIL and BIL. While she is saying this stuff to him she is LITERALLY saying the EXACT opposite to us face to face:
"Cars break down, you are providing for your family and doing what you are suppose to be doing! It will work out! God has you covered!"
"You are such a good mom. You are both great parents, doing exactly what you should be doing for your child"
"Let lo go! You hover too much! He can play with that stuff!" (Note: I hover and keep him out of stuff because her house is not baby safe, plus, he needs to learn that he can't be into everything. I avoid the word 'no' as much as I can and redirect and say things like "you can play with this instead" or "sorry baby, the cabinet is not safe to be in, let's do this instead")
"Please stay here more! I really want you guys to stay the night more" *even began asking DH to start staying with her during the work week. She started begging weeks ago and he has always declined.
My questions:
How would you have responded?
We are completely CO from both her and BIL after this. We have WAY more reasons to do so, but after the birth of our lo, zombie unicorns started rearing their ugly heads, and she was on her best behavior until she got caught with this.
WHY am I feeling like WE are blowing this out of proportion?
AS SOON as my DH saw the messages he woke me up, we packed lo up, and 10:30 at night we were leaving. Took 3 hours to get home, but he said he could not get us out of there fast enough. All he wanted to do was protect us from her. He told her she will NEVER see our child or us again. She would go back and forth between saying "I'm sorry" and "I'm calling the cops if you don't get out!"
I don't know why I feel like I need justification on our decision to CO. The decision is made and there IS NO GOING BACK. She can say whatever the Fuck she wants about me and DH. SHE WILL NOT BASH MY CHILD. I am fucking THANKFUL he didn't tell me this at her house. I was abused by extended family as a child and all through the teen years and it started the same way. I WILL NOT allow my child do go through it.
Why do I feel embarrassed, or almost shameful? That is a new one, it's weird. I feel like we were the family joke and never caught on or something? Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say or has experienced this type of emotional response?
Thank you guys for reading. I'm sorry it is still so long! I'll check back in after I (hopefully) get some sleep!
*whew* ok. I've been wanting to post for a few days and finally am now. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous to do so. I'm looking for any insight, support, and funny memes to help me get my head back on track...thank you ladies and gents for reading. I am not hair flipping, it's after 2a.m. and my head keeps replaying this event and I need to finally just get it out there and share it. (Not just venting, I do have questions!) I'm hoping once I release it out there I can start moving on!
Basic background: DH car breaks down. His mom offers for him to stay with her until it is fixed. He broke down close to her house. He decides to because he can be there to work on car. Should only take 2-3 days. I take clothes to him so he has a change of clothes. We live 1.5 hours from MIL. When I arrive MIL is GIDDY with excitement and says "You have to stay tonight because it's too foggy out and dangerous to go home!" Lo and I stay because it is late, foggy, and miss DH. I figure I can suck it up for the night. After lo and I go to bed:
MIL wanted DH to see a video on her cell and gave it to him to watch. While watching, a text from his brother pops up:
"lllnf and lllnf DH are nothing but freeloaders"
So he clicks on it.
DH said there were so many messages back and forth between his brother and mom bashing us that he couldn't even get through them all. He won't tell me all of the ones he did see, he refuses to. The ones he did tell me though were these gems:
-DH *DESERVES* to have his car break down because he is so stupid for traveling so far for work.
-I am a bad mother and I don't correct my lo (I pushed him to find out this one)
-our lo is AWFUL and tears up her house
-complaining that we are staying with her and saying she hates it when we do. (😒 2x is all this has ever happened in the 6 years we've been together. This night would have been #3)
These are conversations between MIL and BIL. While she is saying this stuff to him she is LITERALLY saying the EXACT opposite to us face to face:
"Cars break down, you are providing for your family and doing what you are suppose to be doing! It will work out! God has you covered!"
"You are such a good mom. You are both great parents, doing exactly what you should be doing for your child"
"Let lo go! You hover too much! He can play with that stuff!" (Note: I hover and keep him out of stuff because her house is not baby safe, plus, he needs to learn that he can't be into everything. I avoid the word 'no' as much as I can and redirect and say things like "you can play with this instead" or "sorry baby, the cabinet is not safe to be in, let's do this instead")
"Please stay here more! I really want you guys to stay the night more" *even began asking DH to start staying with her during the work week. She started begging weeks ago and he has always declined.
My questions:
How would you have responded?
We are completely CO from both her and BIL after this. We have WAY more reasons to do so, but after the birth of our lo, zombie unicorns started rearing their ugly heads, and she was on her best behavior until she got caught with this.
WHY am I feeling like WE are blowing this out of proportion?
AS SOON as my DH saw the messages he woke me up, we packed lo up, and 10:30 at night we were leaving. Took 3 hours to get home, but he said he could not get us out of there fast enough. All he wanted to do was protect us from her. He told her she will NEVER see our child or us again. She would go back and forth between saying "I'm sorry" and "I'm calling the cops if you don't get out!"
I don't know why I feel like I need justification on our decision to CO. The decision is made and there IS NO GOING BACK. She can say whatever the Fuck she wants about me and DH. SHE WILL NOT BASH MY CHILD. I am fucking THANKFUL he didn't tell me this at her house. I was abused by extended family as a child and all through the teen years and it started the same way. I WILL NOT allow my child do go through it.
Why do I feel embarrassed, or almost shameful? That is a new one, it's weird. I feel like we were the family joke and never caught on or something? Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say or has experienced this type of emotional response?
Thank you guys for reading. I'm sorry it is still so long! I'll check back in after I (hopefully) get some sleep!