Hi. I was referred here by a coworker.
DH and I have been married for a few years. We dated for a year. From day one when I met his dad he literally ignored me. I honestly thought he might be blind or have a lazy eye or something because he would not look at me. When DH introduced us he just looked the other way. I was standing there with my hand out in front of a lot of people. I was humiliated. I asked DH about it and he denied that that happened...(everyone had been drinking so I chalked it up to that or me being insecure/nervous)
Everytime that I am in his presence he walks away nervously. He took us fishing once. I caught a massive fish and after taking a picture with it he said "do you even want it ?" and threw it back in water without me answering. I was so hurt because it took 20 min to get that fish in the boat and it was a nice good quality fish. Later, while my husband got out of boat to help dock it I stayed in the boat waiting. FIL asked me to get out of boat and help DH. If I say anything at all in front of FIL he finds a way to contradict what I say. Ex: "My parents didn't put up a tree this year because they will not be having any visitors." FIL: "That's no reason to not have any Christmas Spirit!" --> But it was said in a way that was condescending yet to an outside observer would think he was just filling in the blanks to keep an awkward conversation from happening. So I start to second guess myself.
DH family issues are pretty messed up. FIL left MIL for now SMIL (who is 12 years older than DH). FIL & SMIL are major partiers. Drink heavily, but appear normal to the outside world. It wasn't until I became pregnant something went off inside me and I wanted to limit my time around them.
I labor and deliver naturally last fall. We call ONLY FIL & MIL and let them know they are welcome to come to hospital to meet LO. No one else is to come. They are excited and agree. FIL says "SMIL and I will be there at 5." DH says due to limited space in our room only you FIL are welcome. A few hours later he says "Just letting you know I won't be coming" A month later after no talking DH meets with FIL and says why did you say that and do that he says "It hurts doesn't it"
This sends DH on a whirlwind of hurt. My heart breaks for him thinking I should have just bended and not been so concerned about myself. But something inside of me is telling me not to be around them.
My mom thinks SMIL won't let FIL be around me. I just don't know what to do since I have no physical proof on anything. My DH is hurt about his dad. I feel like a control freak/caused so much drama.
I apologize for the length, but can anyone help me sort out if I am to blame for any of this odd behavior?