This isn't an IL issue but I've been lurking here for over a year and made an account recently to comment on a post. I'm your textbook doormat trying to find my spine. I have a serious problem saying no to people which has led to the problem at hand...
BG: me and DH are 25 and 26 started dating in 2012 married in November of 2015. DS born June of 2015. DH had had the same best friend since HS we'll call him B for convenience. He married his wife, A, in sept 2014. A is younger thanº just turned 21. A and B had their DS in August of 2015.
A has never really liked me. She would come into our home and walk right past me ignoring my greeting.She can be verrry PA and snotty. She was very quiet when we all hung out. I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking she was just quiet and introverted like me.
When we were both pregnant I tried to socialize with them more since our husbands are best friends. I invited them to our couples shower. They didn't show. Whatever an invite isn't a summons. They came over for dinner a few times. She stayed glued to her phone and was PA with me.
My DS was born in June. Theirs in August. After their DS was born me and DH took them food, all the baby clothes DS had grown out of, bottles, my breast pump (BFing failed), and other odds and ends for a new baby. B thanked us profusely. A just said, "must be nice to have so much stuff for your baby" after a short, awkward visit we left.
In September DH invited A&B over for dinner. A was actually pleasant and friendly. We talked about being FTMs and bonded over the fact we both hadsection. During dinner the following conversation happened
A- so you're going to be a SAHM right? (I was a nanny before DS came)
Me- yes
A- well do you think you could watch DS on Fridays? I have the other days taken care of.
Me-...
A- if you can't I'll have to just go to part time
*B gives her a look*
This is where I should have said no, but being a nanny before I thought I could handle it I've watched multiple children for years.
A couple of weeks go by and its time for my first day with two LOs. A asked me to meet her at a gas station at 545 AM!! To do the drop off. Being a doormat I agreed.
At first watching two littles was easy my DH was home during the day and both boys were so small they couldn't really roll over or get away from me.
After DH got a new job working day shift so it was just me and LOs. After DH stopped being there A stopped being nice and went back to being short and PA. She said "must be nice" to e v e r y t h i n g I said to her
My BFF started coming over on Fridays to help me with the babies. She noticed A's contempt for me and commented on it. BFF couldn't believe the way she treated me. "Must be nice" is now an inside joke with us.
A was "put out" that I couldn't watch her DS the Friday before my wedding. She texted me the day before our wedding and said she had the flu and wouldn't be able to make it. I told her I was sorry to hear that and I would make sure B brought her some cake( B was the best man)
On our wedding day the boys were getting ready in one room. Me and the girls in another. A walks into our room with her DS. She was wearing sweats and looking pissed off. But her hair was in this elaborate up do/ braid. It was obvious she had spent time on it. I assumed she would be changing before our evening country club wedding.
When she walked into the room where I was getting dressed I was shocked to see her. I said, " A! Are you feeling better? You didn't have to come if you're sick. Would you like some juice or some food. Please help yourself."
All she said was, "B made me come." And walked away
Allllllrighty then. My mom, my bridesmaids, GM, and my friend doing my hair were all like who the hell was that?
BFF jumped in and said, "that's A! The one OP babysits for. You know 'must be niiiiice' girl"
Everyone was like wow what a bitch. But whatever I'm getting married so I let it go.
After the ceremony we were making our rounds thanking everyone for coming. When I saw A she was still in her sweats surrounded by people in black tie attire. I don't know why but it reallyyyyy pissed me off.
After our wedding I watched their LO a few more Fridays. At this point my DS was rolling around, crawling and pulling himself up. Their LO was right behind him. It finally became too much when she dropped him off sick one morning. When he woke up at our house he had a low grade fever and was coughing. She refused to come get him because she "couldn't leave work" It was the last straw for me so I told DH he needed to talk to B and tell him I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted DH to do it to avoid her immature drama.
DH took care of everything. I got a text from her asking why and I explained myself (screenshots will be in comments). In the month since this has happened she has asked me to watch her LO twice in less than a month. The first time I JADE'd and gave her a bs excuse. The next time I just said no. After I said no she vagubooked about me then unfriended me but not DH.
This is where I stoop to her level and make my own retaliatory vaguebook status of my own. FAIL on my part. I shouldn't have done it. Flame away because I deserve it. My MIL is friends with her on FB and put two and two together and commented on A's status.
Im going to put allll the screenshots in the comments.
How should I handle this? I know I should BH but I really feel compelled to say something directly to A. What do you think?
Here are the messages that started it all
BG: me and DH are 25 and 26 started dating in 2012 married in November of 2015. DS born June of 2015. DH had had the same best friend since HS we'll call him B for convenience. He married his wife, A, in sept 2014. A is younger thanº just turned 21. A and B had their DS in August of 2015.
A has never really liked me. She would come into our home and walk right past me ignoring my greeting.She can be verrry PA and snotty. She was very quiet when we all hung out. I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking she was just quiet and introverted like me.
When we were both pregnant I tried to socialize with them more since our husbands are best friends. I invited them to our couples shower. They didn't show. Whatever an invite isn't a summons. They came over for dinner a few times. She stayed glued to her phone and was PA with me.
My DS was born in June. Theirs in August. After their DS was born me and DH took them food, all the baby clothes DS had grown out of, bottles, my breast pump (BFing failed), and other odds and ends for a new baby. B thanked us profusely. A just said, "must be nice to have so much stuff for your baby" after a short, awkward visit we left.
In September DH invited A&B over for dinner. A was actually pleasant and friendly. We talked about being FTMs and bonded over the fact we both hadsection. During dinner the following conversation happened
A- so you're going to be a SAHM right? (I was a nanny before DS came)
Me- yes
A- well do you think you could watch DS on Fridays? I have the other days taken care of.
Me-...
A- if you can't I'll have to just go to part time
*B gives her a look*
This is where I should have said no, but being a nanny before I thought I could handle it I've watched multiple children for years.
A couple of weeks go by and its time for my first day with two LOs. A asked me to meet her at a gas station at 545 AM!! To do the drop off. Being a doormat I agreed.
At first watching two littles was easy my DH was home during the day and both boys were so small they couldn't really roll over or get away from me.
After DH got a new job working day shift so it was just me and LOs. After DH stopped being there A stopped being nice and went back to being short and PA. She said "must be nice" to e v e r y t h i n g I said to her
My BFF started coming over on Fridays to help me with the babies. She noticed A's contempt for me and commented on it. BFF couldn't believe the way she treated me. "Must be nice" is now an inside joke with us.
A was "put out" that I couldn't watch her DS the Friday before my wedding. She texted me the day before our wedding and said she had the flu and wouldn't be able to make it. I told her I was sorry to hear that and I would make sure B brought her some cake( B was the best man)
On our wedding day the boys were getting ready in one room. Me and the girls in another. A walks into our room with her DS. She was wearing sweats and looking pissed off. But her hair was in this elaborate up do/ braid. It was obvious she had spent time on it. I assumed she would be changing before our evening country club wedding.
When she walked into the room where I was getting dressed I was shocked to see her. I said, " A! Are you feeling better? You didn't have to come if you're sick. Would you like some juice or some food. Please help yourself."
All she said was, "B made me come." And walked away
Allllllrighty then. My mom, my bridesmaids, GM, and my friend doing my hair were all like who the hell was that?
BFF jumped in and said, "that's A! The one OP babysits for. You know 'must be niiiiice' girl"
Everyone was like wow what a bitch. But whatever I'm getting married so I let it go.
After the ceremony we were making our rounds thanking everyone for coming. When I saw A she was still in her sweats surrounded by people in black tie attire. I don't know why but it reallyyyyy pissed me off.
After our wedding I watched their LO a few more Fridays. At this point my DS was rolling around, crawling and pulling himself up. Their LO was right behind him. It finally became too much when she dropped him off sick one morning. When he woke up at our house he had a low grade fever and was coughing. She refused to come get him because she "couldn't leave work" It was the last straw for me so I told DH he needed to talk to B and tell him I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted DH to do it to avoid her immature drama.
DH took care of everything. I got a text from her asking why and I explained myself (screenshots will be in comments). In the month since this has happened she has asked me to watch her LO twice in less than a month. The first time I JADE'd and gave her a bs excuse. The next time I just said no. After I said no she vagubooked about me then unfriended me but not DH.
This is where I stoop to her level and make my own retaliatory vaguebook status of my own. FAIL on my part. I shouldn't have done it. Flame away because I deserve it. My MIL is friends with her on FB and put two and two together and commented on A's status.
Im going to put allll the screenshots in the comments.
How should I handle this? I know I should BH but I really feel compelled to say something directly to A. What do you think?
Here are the messages that started it all