MIL is a character. I have known her for 8 years and have always made efforts to be kind and treat her like family, she just makes it so hard. SO is from another culture and I don't mind (kids are biraacial). I was fine with MIL until first DD was born she is now 6yo. They had already seen her two weeks after she was born they came and stayed in our tiny one bedroom apartment for a week and I didn't mind even though they hogged the bathroom and blasted the Air conditioner when I asked them to keep it off. Anyway, my true troubles with MIL started when we took a trip out of state when DD was 2 months old to visit the IL's. The first night we were about to go to bed and MIL wanted to hold DD to say goodnight. She began singing a lulaby in her language and then before I knew it pulled out her breast as if she was going to breastfeed my DD in front of me, SO, FIL. I was so shocked and took my DD immediately away from her. (It is not part of her culture to do that, Ive researched it.) FiL just shook his head and pat me on the shoulder. I wanted to leave immediately but was stuck because we took greyhound bus to get there and we lived 4 states away from her at the time. I tried to understand and be patient with her but she just keeps acting like my kids are hers. She loves to buy clothes and make DD try them on and force DD to hug her. SO hates his Mother but tolerates her as do I because she helps us financially at times. However, I feel like she uses it as an excuse to own us like her personal doll house. She always secretly insults me or plays dumb when I talk to her. She makes everything about her. If she had a catch phrase it woould be "this is what i want for you..."
When DD turned 2 yo we decided to move to the same state as MIL because their side has extended family and I never had a big family so I tried to think about my DD and we moved. We lived in their house for a while as we transitioned to find work and a new place. For a few months we were a happy family (Jan til May 2012). One night when I was at work, I get a phone call from SO who is freaking out. He told me he was in the backyard in a tent with DD and he was in trouble and I had to come home from work. After getting home, I found out that MIL was asking SO to go to her birthday dinner. He said that him and DD werent going because I had work that night. MiL essentially threw a tantrum which caused FIL to come out of ths garage and he ran to physically attack his son, my SO. In self defense SO swung a fist which landed FIL in the hospital. This is a because he said no to MIL birthday dinner. Anyway, SO wound up in jail for 2 days because of this, and can still to this day not get a decent job, or any for that matter because of his criminal reccord. I cant even marry him because If I do it would be impossible to get through any screening process for an apartment around here. Since then SO doesnt talk to FIL and he still talks to MIL only because she helps us financially.
Fast forward to the present, I fear MIL holdkng my current LO DS who is 15months. I sti breastfeed him and am scared of a repeat of what my DD had. MIL always gets insulted when we do t let her babysit. We have never had any babysitter for that matter. When she babyskts her other grandkkids she isnt caring its more of watching puppies with scolding, neglect, and I have seen her hit one of the other grandkids (their parents are sort of deadbeats and leave them with MIL). Anyway we see MIL every weekend and I sort of let my kids decide. DD is slowly forming her own opinion about not liking MIL. She gets mad that MIL just takes pictures all the time or wants her tontry on clothes, never listens to what DD has to say or plays with her. My DS is "the new toy" and MIL is still pushy to everyone imposing her will constantly telling us what she wants us to do. She keeps trying to push SO to talk to FIL (the event happened 3 years ago but because of the criminal record, it still effects us). No matter how nice I am to MIL it feels like a consta t struggle for power from her. I try not to stoop to her level, but obviosuly it bothers me because I am posting this. I try to be kind and complimenting and buy her flowers and presents for no occaision at all (she is a very material person). If you give hef an inch, she takes a mile. She keeps trying to bring the other grandkids over to our house even though SO CO his dad and siblings after the incident. His siblings are the ones who actually went as far as to make sure he was arrested from that incident. I just want to either get MIL to respect our boundaries or at least understand that SO is with me now and that she needs to respect my decisions for my family and kids. The nicer I am the more she claws in on us so to speak. She also always plays dumb when I say things. Its like she is so busy thinking about what she is going to say next that she pays no regard to what I am saying. She is disturbed. Since the CO from the rest of the family, MIL makes parties for my kids birthdays without my kids being thdre. For instance my DD turned 6 last week and she got a fancy hotel room and birthdya cake etc to celebrate with her other grandkids. Meanwhile she had maxed out SO's credit card a few years ago and is still paying it off. This month her payment bounced, yet she had the funds to reate this birthday celebration in honor of my kid who wasnt attending. There are so many underlying thigns going on, I have 8 years of pent up frustration. I am not asking her to like me, I just want her to respect our boundaries. Next year I will be financially independent with a salary career, and SO and I have agreed to CO completely from her except maybe once or twice a year. How do I deal with her now? Any advice on staying sane or anything at all? If you read the whole thing thank you, if not I understand. Thanks!
When DD turned 2 yo we decided to move to the same state as MIL because their side has extended family and I never had a big family so I tried to think about my DD and we moved. We lived in their house for a while as we transitioned to find work and a new place. For a few months we were a happy family (Jan til May 2012). One night when I was at work, I get a phone call from SO who is freaking out. He told me he was in the backyard in a tent with DD and he was in trouble and I had to come home from work. After getting home, I found out that MIL was asking SO to go to her birthday dinner. He said that him and DD werent going because I had work that night. MiL essentially threw a tantrum which caused FIL to come out of ths garage and he ran to physically attack his son, my SO. In self defense SO swung a fist which landed FIL in the hospital. This is a because he said no to MIL birthday dinner. Anyway, SO wound up in jail for 2 days because of this, and can still to this day not get a decent job, or any for that matter because of his criminal reccord. I cant even marry him because If I do it would be impossible to get through any screening process for an apartment around here. Since then SO doesnt talk to FIL and he still talks to MIL only because she helps us financially.
Fast forward to the present, I fear MIL holdkng my current LO DS who is 15months. I sti breastfeed him and am scared of a repeat of what my DD had. MIL always gets insulted when we do t let her babysit. We have never had any babysitter for that matter. When she babyskts her other grandkkids she isnt caring its more of watching puppies with scolding, neglect, and I have seen her hit one of the other grandkids (their parents are sort of deadbeats and leave them with MIL). Anyway we see MIL every weekend and I sort of let my kids decide. DD is slowly forming her own opinion about not liking MIL. She gets mad that MIL just takes pictures all the time or wants her tontry on clothes, never listens to what DD has to say or plays with her. My DS is "the new toy" and MIL is still pushy to everyone imposing her will constantly telling us what she wants us to do. She keeps trying to push SO to talk to FIL (the event happened 3 years ago but because of the criminal record, it still effects us). No matter how nice I am to MIL it feels like a consta t struggle for power from her. I try not to stoop to her level, but obviosuly it bothers me because I am posting this. I try to be kind and complimenting and buy her flowers and presents for no occaision at all (she is a very material person). If you give hef an inch, she takes a mile. She keeps trying to bring the other grandkids over to our house even though SO CO his dad and siblings after the incident. His siblings are the ones who actually went as far as to make sure he was arrested from that incident. I just want to either get MIL to respect our boundaries or at least understand that SO is with me now and that she needs to respect my decisions for my family and kids. The nicer I am the more she claws in on us so to speak. She also always plays dumb when I say things. Its like she is so busy thinking about what she is going to say next that she pays no regard to what I am saying. She is disturbed. Since the CO from the rest of the family, MIL makes parties for my kids birthdays without my kids being thdre. For instance my DD turned 6 last week and she got a fancy hotel room and birthdya cake etc to celebrate with her other grandkids. Meanwhile she had maxed out SO's credit card a few years ago and is still paying it off. This month her payment bounced, yet she had the funds to reate this birthday celebration in honor of my kid who wasnt attending. There are so many underlying thigns going on, I have 8 years of pent up frustration. I am not asking her to like me, I just want her to respect our boundaries. Next year I will be financially independent with a salary career, and SO and I have agreed to CO completely from her except maybe once or twice a year. How do I deal with her now? Any advice on staying sane or anything at all? If you read the whole thing thank you, if not I understand. Thanks!