I'm wondering if many of you have encountered people in your lives - friends, mainly - who react negatively when learning of your family circumstances, particularly those of you who have CO'd toxic family members.
Today I was having a text conversation with a friend of mine who I generally feel is supportive and in the past I have been comfortable sharing aspects of my life with him. The topic of my ILs came up (who I had previously discussed with him) and I mentioned that they are CO and what a positive thing this has been for our family.
While describing the situation and our decision to CO, my friend's responses became vague and short (e.g., "huh", "wow"), and so I ended the conversation, clearly getting that he wasn't supportive of what I was describing, or interested in my experience. About 30 minutes later, he texts me this gem:
"Yeah. I think I'd be of the opinion that one always owes some debt of care to one's parents, simply because they're one's parents. But the question is what form that should take."
I threw up a little in my mouth when I read that. Gross, both because of the perspective in general, but also because it is a shitty thing to say to a friend who just shared about a difficult year with an abusive family leading to CO. Obviously I now know that this is not a friend with whom I will be sharing information of this nature in the future. But I am left feeling both angry and disappointed in him. I really expected more.
Have any of you gone through something similar? How did you respond? My response to him was short. I basically said that we clearly disagree on the matter and ended the conversation. Duly noted.
Today I was having a text conversation with a friend of mine who I generally feel is supportive and in the past I have been comfortable sharing aspects of my life with him. The topic of my ILs came up (who I had previously discussed with him) and I mentioned that they are CO and what a positive thing this has been for our family.
While describing the situation and our decision to CO, my friend's responses became vague and short (e.g., "huh", "wow"), and so I ended the conversation, clearly getting that he wasn't supportive of what I was describing, or interested in my experience. About 30 minutes later, he texts me this gem:
"Yeah. I think I'd be of the opinion that one always owes some debt of care to one's parents, simply because they're one's parents. But the question is what form that should take."
I threw up a little in my mouth when I read that. Gross, both because of the perspective in general, but also because it is a shitty thing to say to a friend who just shared about a difficult year with an abusive family leading to CO. Obviously I now know that this is not a friend with whom I will be sharing information of this nature in the future. But I am left feeling both angry and disappointed in him. I really expected more.
Have any of you gone through something similar? How did you respond? My response to him was short. I basically said that we clearly disagree on the matter and ended the conversation. Duly noted.