Hello!
After being out of state for four years, we moved back in January of this year. We have two lovely baby girls, our two year old, and our 10 month old.
Moving back in January, we chose to live in the city. Not liking it, DH decided we should move to the suburbs and a nice area. We ended up moving near to his parents. I'm a SAHM and he's the main income earner. His dad still works, and MIL is a SAHM like me.
We moved near my in laws in March. Moving into our new home meant new furniture, buying things for the house, etc. being SAHM, DH let me be in charge of buying everything. I was able to get by doing errands with our babies in tow. I never once asked for help from anyone. One day I was at a store and ran into my MIL. She was done her shopping and told me I looked like I was overwhelmed and needed extra hands. I told her I didnt. MIL is a one of a kind. She's quiet, caring, helpful and funny. She is an introvert, but sometimes shows extrovert tendencies. Her personality makes you get along with her really easily. She talks to you album anything and never judges your views unless you ask for input. Since she's so sociable, I would talk and do things with her. So that day she decided to hold the youngest one and helped around the store. When I was finished, she opted to drive behind me back to the house to unload my purchases, and help with the girls.
Since that day, we bonded better since it was a long time we hadn't seen each other or get to have sit down talks. She joined me on my other errands and helped set things up. Her help was tremendous that she would cook dinner for us while I rest or was busy with the girls. DH usually gets home after 6pm, so she stays until he comes. Sometimes if he would be working late, she would invite me to her and FIL to have sit down dinner with them. We all use the opportunity to catch up, and they'll play with the girls, especially FIL as he sees them as his little princesses. When I leave, she'll pack a container of food for DH to have.
Respecting her kindness, I decided to help out when it came to dinners. I didn't want her to feel I wanted her to do it all the time. So I told her and FIL that they could come over one night during the week for dinner with us. DH used it to be home early that night all the time. So I'll cook a great dinner, and they'll come over, we chat, they play with the girls, and leave. We go by their house once during the work week, and every other Sunday.
Time with MIL is spent doing get together things like going to the park and have picnics so the girls can enjoy themselves. MIL likes it because she feels they shouldn't be cooped up in the house watching cartoons. So we plan picnic dates around so to enjoy ourselves, but mainly for the girls well beings.
One dinner a few weeks back, it was at their house. DH was working late that week. A pattern was developing where they realized he wasn't home for dinners as much, and was spending too much time at the office. So we were having dinner and FIL said "you three get by so good, you're a good mommy. If things happen that your marriage fails, I can see you surviving." I was taken back. There was no reason for him to have said such a thing. I asked what he meant. I told him DH works in a company which isn't a normal job and when he has meetings or assignments, he does them at work rather than bring home his work. FIL meant that he viewed me and the girls as survivors by ourselves. He asked if our life back where we used to live was the same like now. I told him not really. I told him it wasn't a topic for discussion and not to bring it up again.
Following that, dinner talks got weird. MIL asked if we were going to be expanding our family or just going to be having two kids for life. I didn't know how to respond so said "Time would tell." She was like "getting two kids in your twenties is a good thing. You're 30 now. You still have time left to add another one or two." I told her I got what she meant, but "our choice and decision isn't something we like to discuss with people." FIL butter in saying DD1 could be in daycare, but since I'm a SAHM, she and DD2 would get along. But he said when she goes off to school, DD2 would be lonely." The conversation was so intense I excused myself and decided to go home.
MIL and I had a planned outing with the girls to go to an aquarium. We were there enjoying ourselves. I had DD1, she DD2. The entire time, she acted like DD2 was her child. She had never done so before. What's worst, is that she uses DD2 looks to make it look like they are twins. DD2 looks like MIL. I know babies change in looks, but she looks like MIL. I am white, DH is mixed, but looks white. His mom is black, his dad white. DD1 looks white, DD2 has darker tone skin and looks like MIL. So MIL calls her her mini me.
Dinner again. It was at our house. DH was working late. We were eating, and FIL was helping feed DD1. MIL took DD up and held her while she ate. Out the blue, MIL said to her "I'm sure your daddy is proud you came out looking like his family". I asked her what she was talking about. She said "I am sure you guys talked about it before. DD1 looks like you. My son looks loke his father, so I am sure he is proud DD2 looks like his family, me." I told her it didn't matter what skin tone or features they had, and all that mattered was their health and happiness." She said she wasn't debating, but making a statement of fact about the family." I got irritated and went in the kitchen sign,nig that dinner was over. She came an apologized. I told her I love her but the discussions at the dinner table were becoming too heated and intrusive, and I wished we kept talks to normal cuts and not focused on my family or what she and FIL want. She told me she understood, but family is family, and we all learn from each generation on how to improve our own fmily life from experiences.
I told her if she and FIL couldn't tone things down I would have to scale back on our outings, and dinner nights as a family. Am I enmeshing my family? I am doing too much by having outings with MIL then the dinner and family time?
After being out of state for four years, we moved back in January of this year. We have two lovely baby girls, our two year old, and our 10 month old.
Moving back in January, we chose to live in the city. Not liking it, DH decided we should move to the suburbs and a nice area. We ended up moving near to his parents. I'm a SAHM and he's the main income earner. His dad still works, and MIL is a SAHM like me.
We moved near my in laws in March. Moving into our new home meant new furniture, buying things for the house, etc. being SAHM, DH let me be in charge of buying everything. I was able to get by doing errands with our babies in tow. I never once asked for help from anyone. One day I was at a store and ran into my MIL. She was done her shopping and told me I looked like I was overwhelmed and needed extra hands. I told her I didnt. MIL is a one of a kind. She's quiet, caring, helpful and funny. She is an introvert, but sometimes shows extrovert tendencies. Her personality makes you get along with her really easily. She talks to you album anything and never judges your views unless you ask for input. Since she's so sociable, I would talk and do things with her. So that day she decided to hold the youngest one and helped around the store. When I was finished, she opted to drive behind me back to the house to unload my purchases, and help with the girls.
Since that day, we bonded better since it was a long time we hadn't seen each other or get to have sit down talks. She joined me on my other errands and helped set things up. Her help was tremendous that she would cook dinner for us while I rest or was busy with the girls. DH usually gets home after 6pm, so she stays until he comes. Sometimes if he would be working late, she would invite me to her and FIL to have sit down dinner with them. We all use the opportunity to catch up, and they'll play with the girls, especially FIL as he sees them as his little princesses. When I leave, she'll pack a container of food for DH to have.
Respecting her kindness, I decided to help out when it came to dinners. I didn't want her to feel I wanted her to do it all the time. So I told her and FIL that they could come over one night during the week for dinner with us. DH used it to be home early that night all the time. So I'll cook a great dinner, and they'll come over, we chat, they play with the girls, and leave. We go by their house once during the work week, and every other Sunday.
Time with MIL is spent doing get together things like going to the park and have picnics so the girls can enjoy themselves. MIL likes it because she feels they shouldn't be cooped up in the house watching cartoons. So we plan picnic dates around so to enjoy ourselves, but mainly for the girls well beings.
One dinner a few weeks back, it was at their house. DH was working late that week. A pattern was developing where they realized he wasn't home for dinners as much, and was spending too much time at the office. So we were having dinner and FIL said "you three get by so good, you're a good mommy. If things happen that your marriage fails, I can see you surviving." I was taken back. There was no reason for him to have said such a thing. I asked what he meant. I told him DH works in a company which isn't a normal job and when he has meetings or assignments, he does them at work rather than bring home his work. FIL meant that he viewed me and the girls as survivors by ourselves. He asked if our life back where we used to live was the same like now. I told him not really. I told him it wasn't a topic for discussion and not to bring it up again.
Following that, dinner talks got weird. MIL asked if we were going to be expanding our family or just going to be having two kids for life. I didn't know how to respond so said "Time would tell." She was like "getting two kids in your twenties is a good thing. You're 30 now. You still have time left to add another one or two." I told her I got what she meant, but "our choice and decision isn't something we like to discuss with people." FIL butter in saying DD1 could be in daycare, but since I'm a SAHM, she and DD2 would get along. But he said when she goes off to school, DD2 would be lonely." The conversation was so intense I excused myself and decided to go home.
MIL and I had a planned outing with the girls to go to an aquarium. We were there enjoying ourselves. I had DD1, she DD2. The entire time, she acted like DD2 was her child. She had never done so before. What's worst, is that she uses DD2 looks to make it look like they are twins. DD2 looks like MIL. I know babies change in looks, but she looks like MIL. I am white, DH is mixed, but looks white. His mom is black, his dad white. DD1 looks white, DD2 has darker tone skin and looks like MIL. So MIL calls her her mini me.
Dinner again. It was at our house. DH was working late. We were eating, and FIL was helping feed DD1. MIL took DD up and held her while she ate. Out the blue, MIL said to her "I'm sure your daddy is proud you came out looking like his family". I asked her what she was talking about. She said "I am sure you guys talked about it before. DD1 looks like you. My son looks loke his father, so I am sure he is proud DD2 looks like his family, me." I told her it didn't matter what skin tone or features they had, and all that mattered was their health and happiness." She said she wasn't debating, but making a statement of fact about the family." I got irritated and went in the kitchen sign,nig that dinner was over. She came an apologized. I told her I love her but the discussions at the dinner table were becoming too heated and intrusive, and I wished we kept talks to normal cuts and not focused on my family or what she and FIL want. She told me she understood, but family is family, and we all learn from each generation on how to improve our own fmily life from experiences.
I told her if she and FIL couldn't tone things down I would have to scale back on our outings, and dinner nights as a family. Am I enmeshing my family? I am doing too much by having outings with MIL then the dinner and family time?