My half sister has lupus. She got pretty sick about 15 years ago, but has been in remission since then. After she got sick, she became VERY close with our mom and my step dad and they started doing everything for her, which I understand because she was sick all the time for about a year. They bought her a house and a car, which I also understand because I have my health and was able to get a job and buy these things for myself. I got married and had a family but she sort of developed a co-dependent relationship with my mom and SD. She is better now and has a job, but doesn't date (by choice, she says she never wants to be married) and doesn't have many friends anymore because she gets really bitter when her friends get married and don't have time for her.
Now, I often feel "punished" for my marriage and my family. If I have an emergency, they never come or act like it's a big deal. My appendix ruptured last year and they didn't come to the hospital and when my mom did call, all she talked about was my sister's hardship of having a co-worker be mean to her. When I told my mom that it hurt me that she minimized what happened to me, she told me I have a husband and my sister does not so he and I have each other and don't need my mom. But I DO still need my mom.
Also, my sister always has parenting advice for me which I find insane considering our mom still pays her bills, fills her car with gas and cleans her house. I would never dream of having anyone else do that for me! My sister feels like she can ask invasive questions about my kids, give me advice and get onto them if she thinks they make a mistake.
So in the past few years, my mom offers to "babysit" my kids, but I feel like it's just so my sister can pretend they are her kids. I know that sounds crazy and bitter, but my mom never offers to do something with the kids by herself and last time, my mom bought my daughter and my sister matching outfits. I really feel like it was so that people would think my daughter was HER daughter or so she could feel that way. It made me very uncomfortable.
I put down boundaries, just saying no when my mom offered to babysit. I didn't say why bc what's the point. My mom told me I am being selfish and hurting her by keeping her away from the kids and denying my sister in my life. I do want my sister in my life but it's hard bc she oversteps constantly and is very spoiled and used to getting her way. When I told my mom that this dynamic made me uncomfortable a few years ago, she said this is how families are and I expect people to be perfect and that I am just jealous and want everyone's attention on me.
Am I being unreasonable?
Now, I often feel "punished" for my marriage and my family. If I have an emergency, they never come or act like it's a big deal. My appendix ruptured last year and they didn't come to the hospital and when my mom did call, all she talked about was my sister's hardship of having a co-worker be mean to her. When I told my mom that it hurt me that she minimized what happened to me, she told me I have a husband and my sister does not so he and I have each other and don't need my mom. But I DO still need my mom.
Also, my sister always has parenting advice for me which I find insane considering our mom still pays her bills, fills her car with gas and cleans her house. I would never dream of having anyone else do that for me! My sister feels like she can ask invasive questions about my kids, give me advice and get onto them if she thinks they make a mistake.
So in the past few years, my mom offers to "babysit" my kids, but I feel like it's just so my sister can pretend they are her kids. I know that sounds crazy and bitter, but my mom never offers to do something with the kids by herself and last time, my mom bought my daughter and my sister matching outfits. I really feel like it was so that people would think my daughter was HER daughter or so she could feel that way. It made me very uncomfortable.
I put down boundaries, just saying no when my mom offered to babysit. I didn't say why bc what's the point. My mom told me I am being selfish and hurting her by keeping her away from the kids and denying my sister in my life. I do want my sister in my life but it's hard bc she oversteps constantly and is very spoiled and used to getting her way. When I told my mom that this dynamic made me uncomfortable a few years ago, she said this is how families are and I expect people to be perfect and that I am just jealous and want everyone's attention on me.
Am I being unreasonable?
